Today I basked in the glory of the sun in Sydney today..
Really, recently, I've been heaps cold and my hands always feel like they're going to fall off…
+ I lost my gloves…… I guess that explains things.
I hardly make text posts.. I feel like my text posts should be filled with emotion and hatred.. I have plenty of these feelings, all bottled inside… I prefer to bask in the glory of pretty grainy pictures….
It has come to my attention that my life comes and goes in strict progression..
I wake up, I shove down some breakfast that doesn't go down my throat properly, I go to school, and endure about 7 hours of things I don't understand and then I go home and pretend that I'm vaguely interested in life.
It's time for a cryptic text post that no one will understand.. it seems that I have planned it that way.
You really wouldn't understand would you?
The way my heart shatters into little pieces when I see you, the way the ground beneath my feet shatters when I think of you.
No, you wouldn't know would you?
You've never even looked at my twice in my life, and I've never plucked up the courage to come talk to you..
So I guess I'm the one to blame then?
I could do that, in fact I do. I sit in my cold dark room, well its actually white, but sometimes the brightness blinds me, into thinking that there's some sort of hope out there. Like a light.
What do I do when I'm alone and your ghost is next to me? I write a short story, I write a poem with no rhyme, hoping that my bucketfuls of hurt can empty over pen and paper,
I really hope that you do notice the affect you have on me, but how can I tell you that I've written about 100 poems about you? Do I waltz up to you and tell you? If so, then I am never going to do that.
Part of me wishes I have the courage.
But I'd rather do what I do now, sit and blame myself for what I've done to myself. Which is make myself miserable.
I deserve it.